My name is Mimi and I have a food addiction. I admit it. I feel just like one of those crack heads on the addiction shows. It’s the SAME cycle. Only we need food to live. Ugh!
I am lazy. I cannot stick to a routine for more than X number of weeks and/or months.
I have stopped going to Weight Watchers meetings. I have stopped journaling. I have stopped working out. I have stopped being obsessed with loosing weight and getting in shape.
I feel like a loser. Not in the good sense.
I can feel myself getting fatter. Bleh. I hate this. I worked so hard to get where I am. WHY am I allowing myself to be such a loser?
I have gone through this vicious cycle all 28 years of my life. I have yet to figure out why I continue to “fall off the wagon.” Even though, I want this more than anything. WTF is wrong with me? What is the missing link? I am still searching for what causes me to not connect and make the change when I feel myself slipping. It’s like I get down a certain # of lbs and just get lazy or complacent or all the compliments go to my head. I honestly don’t know. It takes a lot of work and maybe I just don’t feel like obsessing over it and working fulltime (with a job I now hate after 7 years), planning a wedding, trying to start my own empire, run a household, etc. I’m an all or nothing type of girl. Yea, that makes total sense. Just give up and start gaining the weight back. Way to go smart ass.
I’m so hungry 24/7. I think about food 24/7. That disgusts me. I’m angry because I cannot eat what I want. So, I eat it. Then, I feel guilty. The same bullshit cycle I’ve been going through for years. Then, I’m unmotivated and too tired to work out. So because I’m not working out I get tired. UGH!!!!!!!!!
I’m over it. I want to change. I want to get back on track. I’m so much better than this. I don’t think being FAT is ok. It’s not healthy. It’s gross.
I need to lose this last 40 lbs. I need to look good for my wedding day. I am tired of feeling like shit when its hot outside because I hate the Summer fashions because I feel so fat. Another damn summer with the same feelings and resentment. Really????
I am done with this rant. Until next time. And hopefully in a more inspiring and motivated spirit.
-Continuing to search for the missing link . . .