I have a confession to make.
I haven’t always been successful at losing weight entirely on my own.
- Did I count points? Yes!
- Did I workout daily? Yes!
- Did I eat clean? Yes!
BUT, I can’t sit here and take all of the credit.
I always promised to be open and honest on my blog and I felt like it was time to share something with you.
Most (not all) of the times that I lost a good chunk of weight (no pun intended lol), I did it with some help.
I did it with Phentermine.
My best friend in weight loss was Phentermine, a RX weight loss drug that suppresses your appetite and works directly with the part of your brain that craves food. Since it’s a legal RX drug, I never thought about the fact that I might be addicted to it. After gaining and losing weight so many times in my life, I had sort of given up hope that I could do it alone.
I’ll Start Over on Monday
I don’t know that I was truly addicted to Phentermine so much as I was addicted to the ritual of “starting over” and beginning a new weight loss plan. There’s an intense ritual behind that “start over on Monday” mentality where you throw out all your food, eat until you burst and commit to NEVER binge again! That entire process deserves its own post for a later time.
Medical Weight Loss Programs
I’ve been a patient at almost every medical weight loss clinic in town. You basically go in, they take your vitals, blood, EKG, measurements, and weight. They prescribe you Phentermine, water pills, vitamins, and even weekly B12 shots to help you lose weight. There were even times I was a patient at two different weight loss clinics at the same damn time so I could get two RX. I even got “officially” kicked out (certified letter and all) of my gynecologist’s office for fighting with a nurse about not refilling my RX. Seriously. True story.
At the time, I thought nothing about what I was doing. I thought because it was prescribed and closely monitored by a doctor, it was perfectly ok. I’m not saying that medical weight loss is wrong either. It does work and it can be long lasting. However, it all goes back to fixing the problems from the inside out. It’s truly a matter of personal choice and what works for YOU.
Now, looking back I see my need to “start over on Monday” with a new medical weight loss regimen as reckless behavior. Replacing one addiction (food) for the feeling of another (phentermine).
Turn the Cravings Off!
When I took Phentermine, I felt amazing . . . euphoric actually. It makes me feel like I can accomplish anything! I had so much energy and the strength to say no to virtually any food that wasn’t good for me.
It’s like it turned off that little switch in my brain that craves the icing, the sugar, the 2nd serving, the cheeseburger and fries. Phentermine made me feel like a person actually in charge of my choices. It made me look at food as just that, food . . . . something you need for energy and survival. For someone that’s never known what it’s like to not attach emotions to food, this pill was heavenly. It made me feel normal.
I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I’ve gained back the weight every single time I’ve come off of Phentermine. It’s a slow creep but it eventually ALL comes back and sometimes more.
WHY We Emotionally Eat in the First Place
A pill cannot fix years and years of beliefs, processes, and actions about food and body image. It’s a false sense of hope. It cannot be long lasting until you take a look at WHY you’re doing these things in the first place.
We do not emotionally eat to fuel our bodies. We emotionally eat to cover up feelings and emotions that we really don’t want to deal with or even acknowledge. Our brains can even be so powerful as to “black out” traumatic events in our lives causing us to subconsciously abuse food. These are heavy, heavy issues that need to be dealt with by a licensed therapist.
Losing Weight Drug Free!
This year, losing weight has felt so different. For the past 2 months, I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. Then it hit me that I’m finally doing this ALONE, free of phentermine or any type of medical weight loss program. I’m not taking any weight loss drugs or any RX for that matter. There are days when it just feels so hard to say no and ignore that constant craving and sluggish feeling. However, I know that if I keep going, eat clean, and workout consistently, those feelings will diminish. The weight is coming off but it’s a slow process. You have to remember that it’s the little actions that turn into successes.
When those urges come, I go for a walk, make a green smoothie, or divert my attention else where. Does it always work? NO of course not! BUT, I’m consciously making the effort and recognizing the behavior.
Losing weight, especially if you have any type of eating disorder is not easy. It’s hard. It’s tough. It fucking sucks. BUT, as cliché as it sounds, just take it ONE day at a time. ONE meal at time if you have to! Baby steps are still steps and eventually you’ll get where you need to be . . . even if you go off course.
“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.”