You’ve gained weight. Your clothes don’t fit. You feel heavy. You can’t stand to see your own reflection in the mirror. You don’t even want to touch your body because it feels so foreign to you. You’re ashamed for anyone to see you this way. You want nothing more than to lose the weight. The thoughts about your body are taking over your entire life. You feel like a prisoner in your own skin. If you could rip your skin off to escape you would.
You know exactly how to lose the weight. You know how to eat healthy and the best exercises for your body. Each day you tell yourself you’ll start fresh and finally get the weight off. The days turn into weeks and the weeks into months. You are miserable and only have on person to blame; yourself.
It’s a vicious cycle. Your miserable because of the weight gain and hate the way you look and feel. You want nothing more than to change and become the person you see in your head. But you can’t seem to actually do the work to make it happen.
It comes down to confidence….or a lack thereof. When you’re unhappy with your body due to a weight gain it can be so hard to motivate yourself. How the hell do you find confidence when you feel like this?
I know exactly how this feels. I lived it several times and I’m living it right now. I did a Facebook Live video last week about how to build confidence after a weight gain. To expand upon that video, I’ve put together some of my tips in hopes that it will inspire you.
First things first, you must figure out why you’re stuck. Here are four reasons why you’re probably not taking action yet.
1. You Aren’t Hurting Bad Enough
Look, I get it. You’re in a dark place. You hate your body and resent the fact that you’ve gained weight. It’s frustrating because there’s nobody to blame but yourself..In your head you know you want to lose weight and get off the couch but can’t seem to connect your vision to action. Why? You’re too comfortable. It’s so much easier to sit in the house with stretchy pants on and Netflix n chill than it is to get up, face the music, and sweat. Even though you KNOW you will feel better afterwards! Sometimes the reason we can’t seem to move into action is because it doesn’t hurt bad enough.
2. You Don’t Have a Clear Purpose Defined
Everyone tries to be politically correct and say you shouldn’t lose weight for looks. Well, they are full of shit. We ALL want to look hot. Don’t kid yourself. That might be a great motivator at first to get you going. BUT you need a bigger purpose. I’ve come to realize that it’s not just about the weight but the weight is the center of the problem. When I’m not feeling good in my body it affects all areas of my life including my mental state. When I want to binge on fast food, I remind myself how miserable it feels to be in this place and how great it feels when I’m balanced and living an irresistible life. You need to have a clear purpose defined that will pull you through the tough times.
3. You’re Afraid of Failure So Why Try?
I’ve lost and gained weight more times than I can count. I’ve been struggling big time this year with a fear of failure. I think to myself “you’ll just end up fucking up anyways like you always do so why even try?” Don’t think about the end result. Just focus on what you can do today. What if you could just focus on not binging at the next meal or the time in between your next meal? Baby steps add up to major changes. Eventually you’ll look back and see big results!
Read This: What It Feels Like To Be the Fat Girl
4. You’re Depressed
Emotional eating, weight gain, and poor body image are ALL deeply linked to depression. If you are clinically depressed you must get help from a trained professional. Trust me. It’s the only way out of this darkness. I’ve been there and it works. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help.
So, How Do You Build Confidence After a Weight Gain?
Confidence is a muscle. You have to work at it every single day in order for it to grow. The hardest part is taking that first step.
1. Accept That It Happened
Dwelling on the past is not going to change anything about where you are right now in this moment on your journey. I know that it’s frustrating but you have to come to a place of accepting that the weight gain happened. It doesn’t mean you accept that you have to stay here. It means that you forgive yourself so that you can move forward.
2. Start With One Small Action Today
A few summers ago, I was on a weight loss journey and I felt miserable in my own skin but I refused to let another summer go by hiding in the house. I knew that in order to plow through this, I needed to at least dress in a way that made me feel good about my body the way it was in that moment. I hadn’t worn shorts or a bathing suit in years. I went out and bought two pairs of shorts that actually fit. I started wearing them and it was hella weird at first. As the days went on, it got easier and I actually started to like what I saw in the mirror.
Read This: Dear Fat Girl Who Hates Summer
You cannot work on your confidence when you’re wearing clothes you hate that don’t flatter your figure. Who cares about the size? What matters is that you feel good in what you’re wearing. Just the act of wearing clothes that fit and flatter your body will build up your confidence and make you want to take better care of your body. Next thing you know, you’ll need to go shopping again for a smaller size!
3. Get a Support System
We don’t have to do this alone. Getting stuck in our heads is where things get dangerous. Having a support system is such a powerful tool. When you realize that there are other people like you going through the same stuff it feels empowering. For so long the issues around weight gain and body image have had so much shame attached to them. The more I do this work the more I realize that pretty much ALL women go through these issues at some level. I invite you to join my free private Facebook group where we talk about all of these topics.
Your Turn – Leave a Comment
What has helped you build your confidence when it comes to body image?
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Hi! I’m Aimee with 2 E’s. I'm a confidence coach that empowers women to love themselves by breaking down body image issues, so that they can lose the emotional weight and gain the confidence to look and feel irresistible...at any size.
Wow, these really hit home, especially the “not enough pain” even though I worry about being pre-diabetic, I still eat crap. Thanks for leting me know I’m not alone. I need to spur myself to action.
I know the feeling, Robbi. It’s funny how our mind will keep negotiating with ourselves that it’s ok to eat junk when we logically know why we shouldn’t. The struggle is so real!
The reasons of weight gain are very complex, it goes far beyond just body image and weight. I think the way to build confidence after weight gain is self-love and finding happiness from within.
It definitely always begins on the inside.
I have gained alot of weight after developing chronic migraines that have led me to live a primarily sedentary lifestyle. One of the triggers for my migraines is bright light (and sunshine) and I pretty much have to hide out at home until the pain passes. Also, some of the medications I take have also caused me to put on weight. Trying to be active when I’m in alot of pain makes it worse, so that kills alot of time where I could be doing something active at home. I have also developed depression and have started stress eating because of my health issues. I feel so bad about how I look, that I feel like I’m almost too far gone to lose any weight, and don’t really know where to start. My self-confidence is really sapped. Help.
I’m so sorry you’re going through all of that. Take comfort that you can start anytime to turn your life around. Your doctor can help work out some medications that will treat your migraines and depression without interacting with each other. In terms of being active, start small. Even if you don’t think it’s enough or working, it is. Keep going. You can do this!
This is where I am. I know I am hormonal and depressed. I work through this since medicine isn’t an option now. I do have auricular therapy and herbal anxiety remedies. But deep down, it is the body shaming and work shaming, I am working through it. I joined the Irresistible You class to find the support group. I can make a small goals everyday from walks, to yoga, meditation, and swimming when it comes available because of shut down, and work to find my confidence. I have my hubby and my family & friends by phone. I need to use my voice and no that I matter. It’s hard not to isolate and think why would anyone want to be around me when I am this way. However, I will show up for me and for my hubby. He always says, all I have ever wanted for you is for you to be happy and feel loved. I need to know I am blessed too!
I absolutely loved this, I’ve been feeling terrible these last few months. It’s a constant thought that I can’t shake. I tell myself, it’s ok! It happens don’t stress it but do the complete opposite. It’s a constant worry on how others think of me.
You have to first work on you think and feel about yourself. Once you learn how to value yourself, you won’t even want to waste energy worrying what others may or may not be thinking.
When I looked my best and everyone was telling me how attractive I was, I was actually underweight. To achieve my body type I would physically harm myself when I ate something that wasn’t a fruit, vegetable, or fish. That method worked well but it isn’t maintainable long-term.
Then I got a bit older and just started focusing on health. I weighed 140 and everyone in my family and my friends told me that I was fat. My doctor also told me that I was overweight, but then relooked at her chart and she apologized that she had added the wrong height (I am much taller than 5 feet). Regardless, I looked fat and unattractive at 140. So in order for other people to think I “look great” I need to be at least 15 pounds underweight.
Now after having a baby and covid, I weigh 170 and I know that I am fat. Even medically I am overweight. I hate my body. Honestly, though the only times I have ever liked my body is when I weighed 100 pounds and when I was pregnant. I know what I need to do to loose weight but all the calorie counting, hurting myself when I eat something processed, and working out multiple times a day is exhausting and so stressful. I’ve just given up.