I mentioned in my Weight Watchers journal that I was just ANGRY yesterday!
I woke up tired, not feeling it, and really just not giving a shit. But, I got myself up, put on a happy face and did what I had to do.
I could feel the stress building throughout the day, like a pressure cooker about to burst.
When I went to make lunch, I was pissed off. Pissed that I had to measure my whole wheat pasta and weigh my grilled chicken.
I think it’s the realization that this isn’t just for a little while. That I need to do this forever to maintain where I need to be. BUT, I measured and weighed and didn’t go back for seconds.
Then something with work really set me over the edge and I was just fuming. To the point where I needed to step out in the garage, strap on my pink boxing gloves, and take my frustrations out on my innocent boxing bag.
I kicked that bags ass. Poor little bag!
I have the bloody knuckles to prove it and my legs can barely move from all the kicking.
Guess what? I still didn’t feel better. I can’t even remember the last time I felt so mad. All kinds of memories from the past kept coming up every time I hit that bag.
All kinds of unresolved arguments. The bullying on the school bus. Times I wish I would’ve stood up for myself. Times I let someone else take advantage of me.
I had my therapy appointment and thank goodness because I needed someone to talk to.
My therapist said all of this “anger” was good. Really?
It means that the EMDR process we are doing is working. We made connections that the present day triggers were related to the past triggers. That means I’m connecting the dots and closure is coming.
Thank goodness. Because, anger is not a good look for me.
“Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s sh*t, and never let them take you alive.”