If you’re a binge eater is there really such a thing as leftovers?
Sure I bring leftovers home almost every time I go out to eat. I want to address what actually happens to the leftovers 95% of the time.
I still have an awfully bad habit of using going out to eat as an excuse to cheat or deviate from my meal plan. I’ve yet to master that whole order something clean and healthy EVERY time we go out to eat.
Well the good news is I can’t finish a meal in a restaurant in one sitting so I’m always left asking for a box. I giggle to myself when out with a large group and they’re all excited how they are going to save time and money on lunch tomorrow because of all these leftovers!
See in my disordered way of eating and thinking about food, my leftovers never make it to see the sun rise. Even though I’m already stuffed to the gills, I’m already thinking about when I’m going to eat those leftovers when I get home. It won’t be RIGHT when I get home but . . .
It goes back to the “I’ll start clean tomorrow” mentality. Since I typically eat something “bad” when I go out, the binge eating disorder in me tells me that I better finish being bad today and get it ALL out of my system before tomorrow. For goodness sakes you don’t want to fuck up two days in a row. So, you might as well gorge yourself at 10 o’clock at night and make sure all of that bad food is gone. It’s all or nothing. That’s me.
I know, I know.
The logical part of my brain knows this is ridiculously compulsive behavior. The logical side knows that you’ll hit the restart button way too many times in a month . . . hell, in a week!
The disordered part of my brain will rationalize it until the food is gone and my stomach is aching.
The logical side wishes I’d just either:
A. Order something healthier
B. Order smaller portions
C. Through the shit away without a 2nd thought. (why is it so hard to through the food away????)
There’s been times that logic has kicked ass and won. I just need that to happen more often.
Can you relate to my insanity?
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”