Fit In Born To Stand Out Quote

In my sick and twisted head that has been jaded by my fair share of yo-yo dieting and a fucked up body image I’m sure this loathing of the summer heat has EVERYTHING to do with you guessed it, weight. What else would my life revolve around?

In fact this became quite clear to me over the weekend after my husband and I went to the East Coast Surfing Championships (Better known to us locals as ECSC) down at the oceanfront. This “event” has haunted me my entire life.

Let’s back up for a minute so I can give you some context to this story. See I’m white and I was brought up by white parents. I never thought I looked all that different but my ENTIRE life I was always an outcast based on my looks. Whether it was my hair, my weight, my skin tone, or the combination of all of it. People always assume I’m “mixed” or something else besides all white. I’ve never in my life felt like I fit in anywhere. If you’ve ever seen the elementary school flashback scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding that was me to a TEE!

I went to a predominantly all white high school where everyone was pretty much a wannabe surfer or skater or racist redneck. I hated it. I hated it because I didn’t feel like I was like any of these kids.

My school wasn’t even the worst. The high schools closest to the beach where all the “rich” kids went was like watching an episode of the Hills only it’s Virginia Beach. These kids were all spoiled rotten, bleach blonde, tan, skinny, and either surfed or pretended to.

Fake Bitches

Back to ECSC. It was always a big event growing up but I actually never went for one reason or another. Now I know why. I didn’t fit in then and I don’t fit in now. To this day it’s mostly all high school girls in their string bikinis walking around trying to get the attention of the 15 year old wannabe surfer guys.

Just being around that circus this past weekend brought back a wave of emotions that I wasn’t expecting. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. It’s not like they were making fun of me or even bothering me. No, this is my own shit and I recognize that.

It made me realize that I’ll never get that time back in my life. I’ll never get to be that thin high school girl walking around ECSC on the beach getting every guys attention. It was never like that back then and it’ll never be like that in my 30’s! It’s like a lost portion of my childhood and early adult years that I can NEVER get back.

I get so angry too because looking back I wasn’t even fat. Yea, I could’ve lost 20 lbs or just toned up. But, no I’m fat now.  Yup that was me at 16 years old:

My Story - High School

Going to school with kids that judge you if your thighs touch or if you’re hair isn’t straight enough, blonde enough, or if you wear a double digit clothing size really fucks you up in the head even as an adult. At 32 years old, I still cringe when walking past a big group of teenagers. I’m waiting for them to say something to me about my weight. God help me if that happens now because I don’t think I’ll be able to hold myself back and the last thing I need is an orange jumpsuit.

It wasn’t until I started hanging out with the non-white kids that I finally felt like I belonged. I wasn’t bashed for my body, I was celebrated! It felt good to find people I could get along with and that appreciated me, for me. Having a smaller waist and big hips/ass was not frowned upon! I don’t mean this post to sound racist either. I have tons of white friends too but they aren’t “those” white friends.

Being out of high school, even until this very day, was the single most liberating experience of my life. I no longer had to answer to anyone. I no longer had to see those assholes anymore. I no longer had to be the school system’s bitch. I had the choice to create my life the way I wanted it. I had the freedom to hang out with whoever I wanted to because I wasn’t restricted by zoning laws and the friends the school board dictated that would be in my life for all those years. I could be exposed to cultures from all over the world.

To this day I have friends from all over the world, from all different ethnicities and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I appreciate all of them for their differences and what they’ve taught me. I appreciate the fact that sometimes I’m not like everyone else. I appreciate the fact that there are people who actually love me because I’m weird.

Fit In Quotes

I LOVE the freedom I have to stay the hell away from people that make me feel less than. I love that I can make my life anything I want it to be and that I’ve come a hell of a long way from high school.

To close this out . . . if you’re going through high school and feeling the way I used to feel, be comforted that it won’t be that way forever. This is temporary. You will get through it. You will graduate and move on and create a life you love with people that love you. Those assholes will mean NOTHING in the end but you will mean EVERYTHING.

it gets better

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
~Bernard M. Baruch~