I had a huge revelation in the past week.  Literally, I stopped in my tracks just thinking about it.

I suppose I started thinking about this after watching Oprah’s Lifeclass on taking responsibility for your life. OMG, I love this show! Check out this video clip:

All the years of my life started to flash backwards. Like, my mind was flipping through a photo album of my life.

I had a HUGE realization.

All my life, I have equated my weight to my happiness.

What does that mean?

I could and still can literally remember the years by how much I weighed at the time . . . Or, how I felt about my body.

Every single picture I look at, I can remember the self-talk about my weight that was going on in my head.

Over the past year, so many great things have happened in my life but yet I still always feel like there’s a gaping hole. Then, I thought about it, I’ve gained back so much of the weight I fought so hard to lose.

So, I hold on to that anger, resentment, misery, and deny myself 100% happiness. It’s like I don’t think I deserve full happiness if I’m not at a “good” weight or feeling ok about my body image.

I’ve never been thin, but the times when I’ve lost the most weight, I feel invincible, irresistible, and on top of the world.

I know that this type of thinking is unhealthy. I recognize that. I want to change it. I want to take responsibility of my happiness.

Maybe all these years I’ve been waiting to be “rescued.” Whether it’s by Weight Watchers, a new weight loss drug, working out, or finding a weight loss/gym partner. I think, “well, if I can just find/do/start , then I’ll lose all the weight and finally be happy!”

As Oprah says, “You are responsible for YOUR Life.”

Well, I can keep on going to Weight Watchers and keep on attending Kickboxing classes . . . BUT, none of that is going to change this twisted way of thinking.

Nobody is going to rescue me except for myself.

I am finally ready to fix my mind and how I view weight/body image. I no longer want to lose weight for the next big event. I want to change the habits and thoughts that have been ingrained into my brain for 30 years.

Like they say, the first step is admitting and it felt like a tremendous accomplishment just realizing this about myself. So, I made an appointment to see a professional to fix my emotional eating and thinking. I’m excited, nervous, but ready to begin this challenge. I’ve been avoiding this for years but I know the time is finally right.

“If you want to move forward in life, you have to make it happen for yourself.”