I’ve been trying to write this post for over two weeks now and every single time I start typing, I get stuck and just close the computer. However, I want to share this with you because I know many of you may be unhappy with yourselves in one aspect or another. My cross to bear is dealing with my binge eating disorder which unfortunately is visible to the world because it manifests itself in extra weight.
As you may know I recently returned from the pet blogging and social media conference, BlogPaws in Las Vegas. I went with both my husband and my Chihuahua, Chuy. We had a great time, reunited with old friends, and made lots of new friends and there’s exciting new things happening in my blogging business as a result of going to the conference! No amount of online networking can replace sitting down and chatting face to face!
While I was in Vegas I felt great. I felt accomplished, successful, and beautiful. It was a euphoric feeling because I was exactly where I needed to be.
Not Always the Case
However, that wasn’t the case a few weeks before the trip. I bought my tickets last year so I had plenty of time to prepare (aka, lose weight). As it got closer all I could focus on was the fact that I was 40lbs heavier than when I went last year.
“How could you let this happen again? Again?!? All you ever do right in life is gain and lose weight over and over and over . . . You’re just like Oprah with the exception of the fame, money, and success! Nobody is going to hire you or want to work with you because how can they depend on someone who can’t even keep promises to themselves about losing weight? You promised yourself at last year’s conference that you would lose the weight for Vegas. You always end up failing.”
Yup. These are the things that were going through my mind, constantly. I was even willing to forfeit my conference tickets and my nonrefundable airline tickets. I wasn’t going to go because I didn’t want anyone to see what a “failure” I am.
Then, I stumbled across some old pics from different times in my life. See, I’ve always been overweight and my entire life has revolved around gaining and losing weight and connecting my self worth to the number on the scale.
It hit me that even when I got down to my smallest weight of about 180 in 2010, I still thought I was a fat cow. I still didn’t believe the compliments. All I focused on was all the weight I STILL had to lose and not what I had LOST. I realized that I’ve wasted so much time and energy worrying about trying to hide the fat and the weight gains that I don’t live in the moment. I don’t give gratitude for everything else I have and have accomplished because I’m obsessed with the weight.
I’m smart. I’m determined. I AM successful and I have done so much in my 32 years that I’m really proud of. Plus, I know I’m beautiful and irresistible on the inside and outside even if I may not always feel that way physically.
A Change of Attitude
I started to change my attitude around. I thought WHY would I throw away the opportunity of a lifetime that I’ve worked so hard for just because I’ve gained a little bit of weight? If someone truly doesn’t like me because of my body, then screw them, it’s their loss not mine! I’m not going to apologize for my size or the choices I’ve made for MY body. They are MY choices, good or bad. I have way too much good going for me to let my weight dictate my self worth and hinder my career goals.
I knew that I would need to shop for some new outfits because most of my clothes right now are tight and/or don’t fit. That’s ok. I’ll get back in them soon enough. I actually felt good in my own skin and felt confident on the inside and outside. Mostly because I knew that this conference was exactly where I needed to be. It’s where the universe wanted me.
So, What’s the Point of this Post?
That’s a lot of typing to finally get to my point. The message of this post is don’t wait for the weight. How many times have you put off doing something you dreamed of doing until you lose the next 20 lbs? How many times have you turned down a lunch date because you don’t want your friends to see you like this? How many times have you not enjoyed life to the fullest because you don’t think you’re worthy of having fun?
Guilty! I have done all of those things more times than I can ever count. I’m done living like that. Yea, I’ve gained back the weight (again) but it doesn’t make me less of a person. It doesn’t make me less beautiful. It doesn’t make me less successful. It doesn’t make me less lovable. I’m still the same person.
FAT is Temporary
Look yourself in the mirror in all your glory and love yourself! FAT is temporary. FAT can disappear. FAT is not a life sentence. The fat will melt away but your true inner self will always be there. If anyone tells you otherwise or treats you differently, that’s a reflection of them . . . not YOU! You are irresistible, no matter what the packaging looks like.
This doesn’t mean you have to be content and surrender to the thought of changing your body. You can still do that. BUT, learn to love yourself in the process. After all, life is what’s happening between the before and after pics! xoxo
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”