I’m not an expert at many things. There’s a few things I’m good at but a lot of things that I’m not. However, when it comes to being the token “fat girl”, dieting, and struggling with body image, that’s what I really know a lot about. That is what I’ve lived. That is what I know inside and out. I’m still on this journey and I always will be.
I may not know much but I know exactly what it feels like to be the fat girl. You know what else? I hate that term. Fat Girl. It stings every time I hear it. Some people are ok with that phrase. It’s not something that’s ever been used in my life as a positive description. It’s been used to hurt me.
For the longest time I let my weight dictate every single thing about my life. Shoot, I still have my moments and I probably always will. But, I also know what it’s like to learn to love yourself and create an irresistible life. Like I said, I may not be an expert at much but if there was such a thing, I’m definitely an expert at knowing what it’s like to be the “fat girl.”
Binge Eating, Dieting & Weight Loss
When it comes to binge eating, dieting, weight loss, and being the “fat girl”, I know what it feels like to
♥ Say “I’ll start over tomorrow.”
♥ Start over only to binge and then beat yourself up for eating “bad.”
♥ Eat everything in sight for the remainder of the month so you can get a “fresh start” on the first.
♥ Binge eat all weekend to clear out your cabinets and get rid of all your cravings because you vowed to start over on Monday.
♥ Have a “food hangover” the next morning which feels like a bloated, swollen mess smothered with shame.
♥ Starve yourself.
♥ Try every diet pill and think “This is the cure. I’ll finally be skinny!”
♥ Drive to different fast food joints so the employees don’t think you’re a fat pig that eats there everyday.
♥ Pretend to order food for more than just yourself because you’re ashamed for someone to think all of that is just for you.
♥ Be afraid to eat in front of people because they are judging your food decisions no matter if you order a salad or a double cheeseburger.
♥ Be afraid to eat healthy in front of people for fear of being accused of being on a diet, knowing they can’t wait to watch you fail.
♥ Try every diet only to have failed each and every one.
♥ Succeed in losing weight only to gain it all back plus more.
♥ Throw sweets into the trash only to dig into the trash later to eat them.
♥ Spray Lysol or Windex on your food so that you won’t be tempted to dig it out of the trash.
♥ Eat when you’re not even hungry.
♥ Feel guilt, shame, and disgust for eating “bad” food.
♥ Feel like like you’ll NEVER lose the weight and be a “normal” size.
Clothing + Fashion
When it comes to clothing, fashion, and being the “fat girl”, I know what it feels like to
♥ Go shopping with a group of “skinny” friends and pretend that you only want to look at shoes and jewelry because none of the clothes will fit.
♥ Tag along with skinny friends to a stupid store called 5-7-9 which literally only sold those sizes. The ultimate fat shaming retailer.
♥ Get stared at by the employees at 5-7-9 for daring to step inside their “skinny girls only” store.
♥ Never know what it’s like to share clothes with your friends.
♥ Live through the era of belly shirts (thanks to the 2000’s) and not being able to join in on the trend.
♥ Never know what it’s like to wear a bikini.
♥ Go to every single store at the mall and leave with nothing because nothing fits you.
♥ Feel embarrassed to walk over to the “plus size” section which is always shoved in the corner of the store which makes it feel even more shameful.
♥ Be told “your size” is “over there” by a sales person whom you didn’t even want help from in the first place.
♥ Try on everything in your closet only to have every single piece of clothing fit too tight or not at all.
♥ Cry and not want to leave your house because nothing fits and you feel disgusting.
♥ Dread being asked to be a bridesmaid because now everyone will know your true size and you’ll look extra fat next to all those “perfect” bridesmaids who wear a size 6.
♥ Cut the tags out of your clothes so that nobody will see the size.
♥ Have every single size in your closet.
♥ Only have a few pairs of pants that actually fit and to have those pants literally get holes burned into the thighs from them rubbing together because you wear them every single day.
♥ Understand the meaning of “chub rub” when wearing short or skirts.
♥ Own every type of Spanx and body shaper on the market.
♥ Work up a sweat getting dressed with said body shaper.
♥ Have the body shaper create extra back fat rolls that you have to tuck in every time it rolls down your stomach when you sit down.
♥ Constantly have to shift and adjust your clothes when you stand up.
♥ Buy clothes too small so that you have motivation to lose weight . . . only to NEVER fit into those clothes.
The Token Fat Friend
When it comes to social situation, “friends”, and being the “fat girl”, I know what it feels like to
♥ Hear your “friends” talk about how fat they are in front of you . . .when they clearly are not fat.
♥ Walk into a room and do the quick “fat people scan” to immediately notice you’re the only “fat” person.
♥ Be picked last because you’re too fat and you’re basically invisible to 7th grade boys.
♥ Be the token “fat friend.”
♥ Be discriminated against because of your size.
♥ Cancel plans with friends because you feel too fat and have nothing to wear.
♥ Be made fun of by groups of kids because you were too fat and therefore not good enough for them.
♥ Wonder why anyone would choose to befriend the “fat girl”.
When it comes to body image and being the “fat girl”, I know what it feels like to
♥ Dread being told by your doctor that you’re overweight and by the ridiculous and outdated standards of the BMI.
♥ Hide in group photos to cover up your fatness.
♥ Dread being tagged in photos that you didn’t approve yet.
♥ Know every flattering angle to use when taking your own photos.
♥ Cringe when you see yourself in photos because you clearly didn’t look like that in the mirror or your selfies.
♥ Literally want to rip off the skin you’re in.
♥ Constantly compare your body to other women.
♥ Never see a woman that looks like you on TV or the media so therefore you confirm what the bullies have told you: “you’re too fat, gross, and not good enough.”
♥ Feel like the person you see in the mirror is NOT the person in your head or the person you know you are capable of becoming.
♥ Look back on your younger days and realize you weren’t even “fat.” A little chubby yes. Curvy, hell yea.
♥ Want to be as fat as you were when you thought you were fat.
When it comes to living life as the”fat girl”, I know what it feels like to
♥ Cringe every single time you hear the phrase “fat girl” because it was used purposely to hurt you.
♥ Hit passengers on the head with your hips when walking down the aisle of a plane.
♥ Pray that you fit into the airplane seat before you sit down.
♥ Make yourself feel as small as possible (which is incredibly uncomfortable) when sitting next to a stranger on the plane so you don’t hit them with your hips that are overflowing onto the arm rail.
♥ Feel too scared to do anything adventurous because you’re afraid there’s a weight limit.
♥ Lose weight and still feel haunted every time you see a weight limit.
♥ Lie about your weight on your driver’s license.
♥ Get out of people’s way and apologize for taking up space.
Here’s What I Also Know . . . It Gets Better!
♥ You are irresistible just the way you are.
♥ You don’t need to lose weight to be “good enough.”
♥ Your weight does not define you or make you a bad person.
♥ If you want to change, it’s ok to lose weight.
♥ It’s also ok to stay just the way you are.
♥ Life doesn’t have to start 20 lbs from now.
♥ You can be overweight AND irresistible.
♥ There’s someone out there that would love to have your curves.
♥ It’s possible to love your body and yourself no matter what size you are.
♥ You ARE more than enough and anyone that doesn’t see that doesn’t deserve you.
♥ You are capable and deserving of an irresistible life.
Someday Isn’t a Real Day
If you can relate to anything on this list, then you are in the right place. You are my people! We are spirit animals!
I’m not perfect. I’ve struggled with my weight and body image my ENTIRE life. The first time I was told that I “wasn’t like the other kids” was in elementary school. I remember doing my first official diet when I was 12 years old.
I’ve tried every single diet on the market. I’ve gained and lost weight more times that I can even count. I know exactly how it feels to want to change but something deep inside keeps stopping you.
Over the past few years, I’ve learned that it’s about more than the number on the scale, dieting, and exercise. The bigger part of this journey is mental. I started working on myself from the inside and it’s made a huge difference in how I view myself. I stopped saying “someday” and started doing the work to create the irresistible life I knew I deserved.
That’s not to say I’m at my “goal” weight or ideal body. No. Far from it. I am, however, not waiting until I’m at goal to live an irresistible life. Life is too short for that, girl!
I will ALWAYS be a work in progress.
Once I started putting a name on these issues and talking about it out loud and through my blog, it helped me to heal. I know that I wasn’t given this “problem” to deal with alone. I know that I can use what I have been through to help other people. Growing up there was nobody to relate to that was going through the same thing. There was no social media, no blogs, and nobody that looked like me. I want to be who I needed back then.
That’s what Irresistible Icing is about. It’s my place online to share my struggles and successes with weight loss, body image, and creating an irresistible life. I hope that by sharing MY stories, it will help you too. Like I said, I may not know much but when it comes to being the “fat girl”, I know it. I know it well.
If you’re ready to create YOUR irresistible life, I highly recommend downloading my free workbook, How To Create an Irresistible Life!”
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