I had a serious breakdown last week about my “food addiction” and the nasty cycle it keeps whirling around me. I had overeaten and literally had a “food hangover.” I felt disgusted with myself and ultimately hopeless.
I felt hopeless because I saw myself going down the same dark, evil path I’ve been meandering on for the past year. I keep continuing to yo-yo with the whole start over tomorrow/binge mentality. I’m so exhausted by it. Literally.
I just broke down in tears.
I told my husband who was there at the time, that I just can’t do it anymore. I need help. I don’t know how to help myself anymore. I work from home and have a gazillion pounds of trust that I’ll do that right thing and I do. I also run my own business with no boss and I do it.
When it comes to Weight Watchers and making this lifestyle change, I can’t do it . . . Alone.
I’m sick of always feeling so alone in everything I do. I admit it. I’m weak and powerless over food. I need support and accountability from someone other than myself.
If there was a “food addict” rehab available in my area, I would’ve checked myself in.
Out of nowhere my husband says, after all my sobbing. . . “How much is Weight Watchers and how do I sign up?”
I was in shock. He’s always supported me but had no desire to do the program. But, I think it clicked at how much I need someone to do this with me.
Trust me. I’ve tried it all. People with “addictions” are not meant to do the one hardest challenge in their lives, alone. You aren’t in control of this, the food is. But, you can turn that around with the right support behind you.
If I was a drug addict or alcoholic, nobody and I mean NOBODY would expect me to stop cold turkey and give up the drugs. They know people like that are mentally too weak when they are in the thick of it.
But, because my drug consists of over indulging on icing and carbs, everyone just thinks you’re a weak, powerless, lazy fat ass.
That is far from the truth. This is a freakin’ disease!
I am over the moon that my husband, on his own, made this decision.
It has kept me accountable and we attended our first Weight Watchers meeting tonight, together! I’ve tried to do it alone and get to a meeting and then the next week I skip it b/c I had a “bad” week. Because we planned to do this together, I was actually exited about my meeting even though I knew I had gained. It’s ok.
I had two really great conversations today with both my Weight Watchers leader and my therapist. I’ve realized that accountability is # 1 of importance for me. That means, weighing/measuring food, tracking, attending meetings, weighing in, and asking for help when I need it. Consistently.