I posted about my experience with depression on IG last week and so many of you related to what I had to say. I decided to go deeper and share a bit more about that in today’s episode.
I’m talking about the subtle ways that depression shows up. It’s not always situational or debilitating sadness. There are some things that I have learned about myself over the years to stop depression from tapping on my shoulder.
Depression, for me, is not seasonal or situational.
It’s not always debilitating sadness either.
It’s always there. Lurking in the shadows. Slowly tapping on my shoulder when I’m in the flow.
I’m always aware of its presence and that it can creep back in at any time.
I have to work at this every single day.
I have really good days where depression never taps on my shoulder but I’m never naive to its presence in the background.
It’s gradually, then suddenly. If you aren’t aware of it, it seems to come out of nowhere.
It starts out as a slow burn:
-Meh. I showered yesterday.
-It’s too bright to open the blinds.
– I don’t need to go anywhere today.
-It’s procrastinating for weeks on filling out a form that should only take 5 minutes.
-It’s ok to binge eat tonight. You had a hard day. Tomorrow, you’ll start over.
-It’s too hot “(or too cold) to go walking. You can just skip it today.
-Drinking all that water is going to make you have to pee and interrupt your work flow.
-Meh. The baby is napping…might as well lay down and scroll social media instead of working on that work project.
These are the subtle but not-so-subtle ways depression likes to lure me in.
I didn’t always know this. I wasn’t self-aware. I was going through life like a zombie in denial of my true emotions.
That’s when depression felt like it would hit me like a mac truck.
Even after therapy, new coping skills, the #irresistibleyou framework. Even though the gratitude, the happy moments, the joy. It’s there, lurking … but I don’t invite it to hang out with me. I do the things I’ve learned over the years that help me feel like ME.
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