We gotta talk. Like really talk about what’s going on out here with this body positive movement. I’m not here for it. But, that’s not what this episode is really about. It’s about what self-love really means when it comes to the weight loss journey. I’m breaking down what self love looks like, what it doesn’t look like, and how the body positive movement is dangerous and tainting the real message we all need to hear.
I am not a follower. I’m a leader. That’s why I honestly don’t give a shit about the body positive movement and why I created our own damn movement with #Irresistible You.
The Body Positive Movement is Bullshit
We need to talk about what it means to really love yourself. I have a really big issue with the whole body positivity movement. I think it’s something that started out as a good thing to celebrate all bodies and to show that there is body diversity. However, it’s taken a different turn and I want to talk about that. I believe that you can love yourself at any size and that you should love yourself at any size. But, to love yourself is to also know that you have to take care of your body. The body positivity movement glorifies that it’s okay to be obese and that size is not an indicator of health. To that I call bullshit.
This is NOT What Self Love Looks Like!
Let me tell you what life was like when I was 250 plus pounds. I sat around inside my house with baggy clothes on playing on the internet, watching TV, and eating constantly all throughout the day. I’m talking about massive bowls of mac and cheese with hot dogs, hot pockets, and big fluffy ass bagels. I’d drizzle real butter all over the bagel and suck the butter out of the bread. #Disgusting. The only time I left my house was to go out to eat. I put myself in debt because I was using credit cards to go out and have these lavish ridiculous meals that I couldn’t afford at the time because I was only 18/19, working part-time. When I would go out to eat, I’d have an appetizer, a meal, and a dessert with no to-go box. Yes, I was even the ratchet bitch that put biscuits in her bag.
I was winded and tired from walking around my college campus. I used to have these super cute ankle boots but they wouldn’t zip over my legs. Being in total denial, I told everybody I was rocking a new style that it was going to be a new fad. I was in complete denial about what my actual clothing size was. I wore these ugly stretchy”dress” pants from that store Deb. OMG, remember Deb?! I would not buy jeans because I didn’t want to see the size of the jeans. When I finally got up the courage to buy a pair of jeans it was like a size 20 or size 22 . I was mortified.
There was nothing comfortable about living in the body that I was living in. I hated pictures. I hated being active. I hated going out even though I was going out pretty much every weekend to get drunk. That girl didn’t even know what it meant to love herself and that concept wasn’t even in my comprehension at the time. If the body positivity movement existed back then and they would have told me to not lose weight, things would have become much more dark and dangerous. My health was actually suffering..my physical health as well as my emotional and mental health.
I didn’t have a period for almost one year and I would not go to the gynecologist because that meant getting naked, jumping on scale, and facing the music for the first time. Well, it was the rapid weight gain that caused my periods to stop and that’s the day they referred m to their in-house nutritionist. While she addressed my food plan, my emotional and mental state was ever once addressed. Why? Because the rest of the world didn’t care. All they cared about was my physical appearance.
This is Where The Body Positivity Movement Gets It Wrong
So on one hand I totally understand the body positivity movement because it empowers women to feel like they’re an actual human being. When you’re super overweight, even though you’re big, you’re not human to other people. I know this from experience because of the name calling and the bullying. I give kudos to the body positivity movement for empowering women in that way.
But let me be very clear. There is absolutely nothing empowering about telling someone that she’s healthy at 250 plus pounds and that losing weight intentionally is dangerous. When in fact telling someone that they should never lose weight intentionally (when they’re obese) is actually dangerous.
I don’t give a shit if your blood levels come back in a normal range at 300 lbs. Those levels aren’t going to stay in that range forever and it will catch up to you. For anyone to say that being obese is not an indicator of health is kidding themselves. I’m not just talking about physical health either. It does a number to your emotional and mental health. There is nothing pleasant, fun, or healthy about worrying if your ass is going to break a chair. When you physically can’t do fun things but then bitch and complain that chairs should just be bigger? It’s a cop out. There’s nothing pleasant about having panic attacks days before a social event because nobody has seen you since the weight gain. NOTHING.
I remember getting on an airplane and wanting to cry because I thought the seat belt was wasn’t going to buckle. I started to panic. It barely buckled and there was ZERO excess. A month ago, I flew to Canada and I thought the plane must have bigger seats or something. Nope. My ass just got smaller. I was LIVING for my excess seat belt and the fact that I could cross my legs with zero problems…and I was comfortable AF. I know what it’s like to get on a plane and bump people’s heads with your big ol’ hips. I know the dreadful stares from people worrying that YOU might be sitting next to them. This is no way to live.
And you don’t have to live like this!
What pisses me off is that there are people out here preaching that it’s ok to live like this. That weight is not an indicator of health. That you should just love yourself. This glosses over all of the emotional, mental, and physical problems that being obese brings.
There is nothing about eating out every single day, seven days a week that screams self-love. There is nothing about depression from gaining weight that screams self-love. There’s nothing about binge eating until your body literally rips apart that is self-love. There is nothing about not being able to go to a park or for a walk that is self-love. Self love is not humiliating yourself with a so-called “new fashion trend” because you’re in denial. Being in denial about the reality of your body and health is not self love. Giving up on yourself is NOT self love.
NONE of those behaviors come from someone that truly loves themselves.
How Do I Love Myself If I Hate My Body?
I know you’re thinking, “how can I possibly love myself at this size if I’m so miserable?” I get it. It’s super insulting to tell someone who is in this much pain to just LOVE YOURSELF! It’s dismissive and it’s insulting. The truth is you’re not going to love yourself in the beginning but you have to start somewhere. You have to think about the woman that’s inside of you. The woman you know you’re capable of becoming. You have to approach weight loss from a place of self love and not self hate. Do it from a place of loving your future self and know that you’re going to love her no matter what her body looks like. You’re going to treat her in a way that is loving, compassionate, forgiving, and sometimes with a little tough love. You have to love who you are capable of becoming and put the work in now.
What Does Self Love Look Like?
Self love is not waiting until you lose the weight. Self love is not doing everything perfectly. Self love is not ever having another binge. Self love is not eating healthy ALL the time. Self love is not giving up on yourself. Self love is not just accepting that you’re destined to always be obese. Self love is not complacency.
Self love is continuing to improve yourself. Self love is accepting where you’re at and striving for more. Self love is no longer beating yourself up after a binge. Self love is no longer calling yourself a fat failure for eating an ice cream sundae. Self love is looking in the mirror and not picking your body apart. Self love is eating in moderation. Self love is filing your body with healthy foods that taste good that don’t feel like a diet. Self love is moving your body and doing exercises that don’t give you flashbacks to P.E. class. Self love is not the pursuit of the perfect body. Self love is appreciating your body and what it does for you. Self love telling yourself the truth and squashing all the denial. Self love is taking yourself to the doctor even when you’re terrified. Self love is celebrating your wins and learning from the things you used to call failures.
Listen. I don’t give a shit about the body positive movement. I’m not a follower. I’m a leader. That’s why I’m creating my own damn movement for us. The girls that get it. That’s why I created the #IrresistibleYou Movement. Get out there and share your story, your wins, your struggles, and your gorgeous self on social media using our hashtag.
Listen To The Podcast Episode!
Head on over and listen to the Irresistible You podcast for this episode and more just like it. You can subscribe with iTunes, Stitcher, Google Music, or your fav podcast player. Search for Irresistible You. When you subscribe with a podcast app, you’ll get notified each time I publish a new episode.
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Join the #IrresistibleYou Movement
Use the hashtag #IrresistibleYou on Instagram and across social media to show how you are creating and living an irresistible life. Use the hashtag to search for others who are going through the same journey with us! Plus, I’ll be re-posting and sharing some of my fav photos and stories.
Let’s Stay Connected!
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Love it. Can’t love yourself if you treat yourself badly, then blame society. We have one body it has to take us to the end.
Amen and thank you.