I haven’t been staying on track with my eating habits and exercise routine. It’s been sporadic. Hell, it’s been non-existent at times. My surgeon must’ve taken out my mind when he took my gallbladder. 

I could feel it. I could feel the weight. I could feel the un-comfortableness. I could feel my jeans getting tighter. I could see my face getting fatter. I could see my toes and hands looking swollen like little ugly sausages.

I’ve been avoiding the scale like the plague. Confirming what I feel only makes me feel worse. On the other hand, I need to know where I’m at so I can stay on track.

Today I got on the scale. Since I’m always honest on here let’s just throw the number out.

205

I’m tearing up just typing that shit. You’ve got to be kidding me. I can’t even believe this. I SWORE off the 200’s and that this would be the last time I’d ever see that number again.  Listen, I was 192 lbs the day of my surgery, 2 months ago. WTF.

I’m ashamed.

I’m angry.

I’m upset.

I’m fuming.

I’m sad.

I’m frustrated.

Most of all, I’m disappointed. Disappointed in nobody but myself.

Why the fuck does this always have to be a damn up-hill battle? WHY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why can’t I slip up once and awhile and eat shit that actually tastes good without paying the price?

Ughhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel disgusting right now. I feel like a failure.

I wanted to be down in the 180’s by Memorial Day. Way to go Aimee. Way to effing go.

When will this cycle ever end? Lord knows I’m tired of it. BUT who else is there to blame but myself?

Thank goodness today is my therapy day. I’m really going to need it!!!! I want to work with my therapist today to figure out what the hell is triggering this behavior.

Sorry to not be a positive light today . . . it’s all part of this journey. The highs and the lows.

Until next time . . .

“There’s nothing worse than being disappointed in somebody.”
~Jessica Simpson~