This Irresistible You podcast episode was inspired by my recent closet purge. It got me thinking about how we hold on to clothes because of a scarcity mindset that nothing else will ever fit us. There are quite literally years of trauma and stories built up about shopping and not being able to find clothes that fit. So? We keep stuff that we don’t love, is out of style, or straight up ugly. You deserve better! In order to get to WHY I needed to purge my closet, I need to get really vulnerable and share where this is coming from. I know that some of you have heard most of this in one form or another over the past year but just stick with me. For those of you that are new, I have past episodes that dive into everything I’m about to share from my own story in greater detail.
One of my goals this year is to have a major glow up. I’ve felt stuck for the past year…shoot probably the last 2 years at this point. The last time I really felt like myself, like Aimee was in 2019. I’m sure that’s the truth for many of you. The past 2 years have been unlike any other in our lifetime. In 2020, I got pregnant with my son in February, we bought our second home in June, and Javi was born October 26th. So I was basically pregnant the entire year. Pregnant during the scariest time of the pandemic when we didn’t understand a lot of it and we were in lock down. It was a crazy experience especially compared to my pregnancy with Catalina. Then, the night I got home from the hospital with Javi, I started having severe life threatening complications. It started out with a spinal headache with is caused by leakage of spinal fluid through a puncture hole from the spinal anesthesia during my C-section. Then, my C-section incision busted open, bleeding all over. Long story short, I had severe postpartum preeclampsia which I had to be hospitalized for. Oh and we all got Covid just in time for Christmas 2021. Yay. The first year with an newborn is challenging and sleep depriving enough. My husband was still unpacking and repacking my wound every night after work until almost Valentines Day. I slowly tried to get back to feeling like me.
This pregnancy was so much harder to recover from for obvious reasons. Let’s also remember this is still during a pandemic.
By the spring, things started to look hopeful again. There was that glimmer of light seeping in. We got vaccinated and thought that was going to be the end all, be all. Well, we all know how that story would end. We booked a trip off my bucket list to Walt Disney World so there was something to look forward to. Catalina who was supposed to start preschool in 2020 was finally going to start in 2021 and it was everything she needed and more.
Javi was still waking up multiple times but life was starting to feel manageable again? Like our new family was falling into place. Then, it was June 25th, 2021 and we got steam rolled with the news that my little girl (who was 4) had Type One Diabetes. THAT was an incredibly hard and difficult time.
All year I wanted to WANT to come back home to myself. I WANTED to want to blow my podcast up and get to the top of the charts. I WANTED to get glam and put my high heels on and be the bad ass bitch that I am.
There was a disconnect.
I was exhausted.
I was spent.
I was running on fumes.
I was just trying to survive.
I always say that if my kids are good, I’m good.
If my kids aren’t ok, everything comes to a grinding halt. Well, as much as possible. We still have to work and pay bills and put food on the table during all of this.
I lost myself.
I lost HER.
I lost my sparkle.
I lost my glam.
There were times I felt defeated.
Then I’d look down or touch my stomach and and feel so frustrated and disgusted. This is the largest my stomach has ever been.
I fantasize about cutting it off. I yearn to have surgery to just remove all that extra hanging skin that feels SO fucking uncomfortable.
This is the first time in my life that my actual mobility was taking a hit.
The emotional, physical, and mental stress was too much. It was SO SO heavy.
I missed going out. I missed dinners alone with my husband.
I’ve craved myself. I’ve craved dressing up. Doing my hair. Going to happy hour.
Looking back on the year, I wore the same couple of outfits. ME who preaches to find clothes that fit you now no matter how much you’ve gained, just didn’t want to. Nothing looked good. I still had boxes and clothes that I had not unpacked from our move in June 2020.
I promised myself that this year, 2022 is the year I become Irresistible You…again.
I have a certain style that I want and right now, I’m not embodying it.
This past weekend, I decided that I needed to rage purge my entire closet. There are so many items in there that I never wear and probably never will. They are not in line with the style I want.
It got me thinkin about something we go through when we are overweight and have always been the “fat girl.”
We hold on to clothes that we don’t even love, that don’t fit our style because there’s a scarcity mindset. The scarcity mindset tells us a bunch of bullshit lies that we’ll never find clothes that fit. It might be ugly or not your style, but hey it fits! You should just be happy you have clothes that fit!
This doesn’t happen overnight. It happens from years of trauma and conditioning. Years of being the “fat girl” in a store that you love that doesn’t love you back. One that literally tells you, “your don’t fit here.” See, there were times that stores didn’t carry past a certain size. The “plus sizes” looked like grandma clothes with hideous prints and huge draping fabrics. You go to try on tall boots and they won’t zip up over your thick calves. So, you buy anything that fits because you’re just so damn happy that anything fits.
As I looked at each piece in my closet and asked “does this bring me joy?”, the answer was no to 98% of everything. Wow.
We have to kick that scarcity mindset because the reality is that there is an abundance of fashion and clothes that fit your body now and will look amazing.
Listen To The Podcast Episode!
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