I’m sitting here on the couch with my favorite fleece blanket, cozy in front of my Christmas tree with only the bubbly sound of the aquarium in the background. Catalina is tucked warm and safe into her bed thanks to my husband who is upstairs with her as she drifts off to sleep. Chuy has burrowed himself under my blanket and is curled up between my feet – keeping them warm and toasty. Just as he finished getting comfortable he let out that “sigh” that tells me he is finally relaxed and settled in for the night.
I can also finally let out a small sigh of relief that most of my responsibilities are done for the day. It’s late enough after work that nobody is going to bother me and my daughter is knocked out until the morning. #FingersCrossed. This is the time of day where I finally get “me” time. It’s the time of day that I crave because I can finally just be Aimee for a little bit.
I detest chaotic Mondays and today was one of those. My husband had a job in the field to finish today and I had 2 back-to-back meetings. We typically arrange for him to be home on the days I have meetings but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. I thought I might be fine considering Catalina has been napping EVERY SINGLE DAY from 12pm-3pm.
Of course, that wasn’t the case today. An hour into her nap, I’m in a meeting and I see her rolling around on the monitor.
“Please just roll over and go back to sleep” I thought to myself.
I went into the room and tried to get her back to sleep because I could tell she was still half asleep. Not going to happen in a few minutes and I didn’t have time to try any longer.
Off to my office she goes. So there I was on a team meeting, pen in one hand, baby in the other, hashing out the details that come with planning a social media conference as large as BlogPaws. Meanwhile, Chuy is acting like a maniac eating paper and unplugging my lamp.
I texted my husband. “She’s up.” To which he responded, “Be home in 20.”
God how I love that man.
Thank goodness my daughter was pretty much well-behaved – well thanks to the 500 toys and gadgets I put on the desk to keep her attention and stop her from having a full-blown mickey meltdown.
And thank goodness I have a team that totally understands my situation…and knows this is not the norm.
Keeping my career and being able to stay home with my daughter for these first few years were a non-negotiable for me when I decided to have kids. I know how incredibly blessed I am but that doesn’t negate the fact that some days are really effing hard. There are days where I wonder how in the hell I’m going to survive. There are days where it’s easy as cake. There are days where all I want to do is lock myself in my car and eat cake. There are days where I HAVE locked myself in the car and ate cake.
Such is the life of a woman easing into her new normal of a work at home mom.
I got a new picture notification from Google Photos with a pic of me from a week ago in front of a Christmas tree compared to one year ago. How Google figures this out is really creepy but super cool too.
I finally noticed. I finally noticed that I’ve lost some weight. It’s not drastic. It’s not a before and after story but it’s progress. To date, I’m down 26 lbs from the start of the year and 50+ pounds since the day I delivered Catalina. I’ve been really annoyed with myself that I’ve “only” lost 26 lbs but to put that into perspective:
- That’s an average of a half pound per week with 3 weeks left to go!
- It’s 26 pounds GONE – not gained.
- It’s progress.
- I’ve managed to lose weight despite the challenges of balancing a career with motherhood.
I’d say that’s pretty damn good considering how chaotic this year has been. I’d say that’s pretty good considering I’ve had days where I ate cake in my car. I’d say that’s pretty damn good considering how many nights I just wanted to sit in front of the TV and binge on comfort food during “me” time.
Am I capable of better? Of course…and I’ll get there. But for this first year, working out and eating perfectly healthy just couldn’t be my #1 priority every single day. Some days it was about just surviving. Some days it was just about getting the work done and not having enough time with my daughter. Some days it was about hearing her cry as I went back up to my office and fighting back the tears as I walked up the steps. Some weeks it was about traveling for business and missing that little girl that is full of energy and laughter. Some days it was about momming so hard that a project didn’t get finished. Other days it was about working late to make up for said project during “me” time.
It’s a balance and I’m balancing the shit out of it right now.
My message to you in all of this is not to be so hard on yourself. As you reflect back over the year, what have you “only” accomplished? How can you re-frame that and give yourself some much needed credit?
I heart you. Stay irresistible. You got this.