I’ve written a million blog posts in my head over the past few weeks. I’ve saved thoughts and ideas into my Trello boards. I’ve created a content plan for my blog only to run out of time and creative space in my brain.
I wake up utterly exhausted every single morning. After hitting snooze 500 times I finally roll out of bed. In my exhausted haze I promise myself that I will finally get to bed early tonight. I’ll get up before the sun comes up, workout, blog, get glam, and actually spend some quiet/alone time meditating on my thoughts before my day gets started.
As I step into the shower and look at my naked body, I’m disgusted. I hate it. I hate the way it looks. I hate the way my body keeps me held hostage day after day. I promise myself that I’ll eat healthy & workout today. I promise myself that I won’t screw up. I promise myself that I WILL get to my goal weight/body.
Then the day gets going. I juggle back and forth between work and baby. My brain can only hold so much creative space. It needs space to be able to think and come up with new creative content and ideas. As of lately that creative space doesn’t belong to me. I’ve had several work related projects that require the majority of my brain space. My daughter occupies every other nook and cranny that’s left. I barely have my nose above water balancing those two things. By the time I can get any quiet time to dedicate to my blog, I’m spent.
The last thing I want to do is cook a healthy dinner and exercise. I just want to sit on the couch and enjoy the silence and the moment of finally being all by myself. I want to work on my own personal projects but my brain is full at this point. The best I can do is zone out but I know I can do better. So, I promise myself again that tomorrow morning I’ll wake up early and tackle all the things. Only to get to bed way too late again. The hours of time by myself are just too tempting. I don’t want to go to sleep.
My dreams. My goals. They keep getting put on hold. I keep getting put on hold. And the only person I can blame is myself.
I’ve been going through this cycle for MONTHS!!! Basically since Catalina was born and I went back to work. Some days I feel like I’ve got the hang of everything and other days? Well, other days I want to sit in the floor in the fetal position and scream and cry until some magical being comes and rescues me – or just offers me a break and a cupcake.
The other night I was laying in bed and heard myself saying “If not now, when?” That’s what got me through the journey before. There is no magical moment to begin – you just have to start. My daughter is about to be a year old next month. A YEAR! She is already watching every single thing I do and say. As she gets older, I don’t want her to see me looking at myself negatively in the mirror. I don’t want her to hear me body shaming myself. I don’t want her picking up my bad eating habits. I refuse to let that happen.
I have to set the standard – NOW.
You guys – I have BIG goals. I mean really big Oprah sized goals. This blog is my passion and my outlet. It’s a space that helps me get through my issues while helping others at the same time. I know the potential that I have. That’s what has me so stressed out. I have all these things I want to do but my responsibilities have me pulled elsewhere in this season of my life. I also have big goals with my weight loss journey. I know that I’m literally the only person that can control the way my body looks. I have the full capability to reach both of my goals – regardless of what stress is going on in my life.
Just barely keeping my nose above water doesn’t have me feeling all that irresistible. It makes me feel like a fraud for trying to inspire and motivate YOU to create an irresistible life. I share this because we are all human. This is part of the journey. Even once you make the decision to create an irresistible life, things are not always going to be rainbows and unicorns. You are going to have days, weeks, or months where you are not centered. That’s ok. This isn’t an all or nothing journey.
I’m ready to make the rest of 2017 the year I finally accomplish my goals.
A lot of people would say well it’s already September why try harder now? Why? Because you still have four months left to crush the hell out of 2017. And that’s exactly what I plan to do. September is the new January! It’s time to reevaluate your goals and make them happen.
You can do a lot of damage in four months – good or bad. What’s it going to be?
If not now, when?