OMG, it’s been almost a month since my last blog post. How could I let that happen? Life has seriously gotten in the way as of lately. I’m not a fan of excuses but work with me here. I’ve got a few good ones.
I’m currently 38 weeks pregnant and living in utter chaos. The irony of me not blogging is that all I’ve wanted to do is sit with my thoughts and blog. It’s therapeutic to me. It’s my happy place. The problem is my brain is buzzing with a million thoughts a minute and it’s hard to find the focus when you’re surroundings are just as chaotic.
Trying to get through the work day when you’re 9 months pregnant is a challenge all in itself. Add to the mix that our home was flooded during Hurricane Matthew and it’s a whole other level of crazy making.
I’m pretty sure everyone hates chaos. No, I take that back. I’m pretty sure there are some people out there that actually thrive on it. Whatever. Do you, boo. I thrive on structure and order!
Thank You, Hurricane Matthew
The entire first floor of our home had to be gutted out and is currently under going renovations. Thank goodness for having a handy husband and Dad who know what they’re doing. As a result, our entire upstairs is actually our downstairs. I feel like I’m living on an episode of Hoarders. There are book shelves, couches, tables, TVs, TV stands, and everything else from my living room in my bedroom, hallway, office, and the nursery. I literally have to walk sideways through the hallway just to get to my desk. Add to that sideways walk, a 9 month pregnant belly & the urge to pee every 20 minutes, and I’m literally scraping the wall multiple times a day. It’s a barrel of fun.
The Joys of Pregnancy
My body is swollen and aching in places that I didn’t think could ache. I just found out last week that I’m borderline pre-eclampsia. I NEVER have high blood pressure and that’s even starting to go out of my control. My feet, ankles, calves, and thighs have merged together into one big fat swollen tree trunk that I don’t even recognize. My hands can barely make a fist because they are so swollen and I haven’t seen my wedding rings in months. Even my face looks like a balloon from all the swelling. The good news? This too shall pass. How? The only “cure” is to give birth.
I feel completely out of control and I hate it. I also feel completely and utterly excited and happy because our baby will be here in two weeks. How’s that for a confusing and messy pool of emotions? Oh make sure to sprinkle in all of those insane pregnancy hormones. Just last night I cried and yelled at my husband because I couldn’t find a box of diapers from my baby shower. Don’t worry. They were found and a full blown temper tantrum was avoided.
I’m a mess.
A complete irresistible mess.
But a Grateful Mess
I’m grateful that this is the worst of my problems right now. I mean, a house in chaos two weeks before my baby is born, a broken truck thanks to the flood, possible pre-eclampsia, and going into debt to repair it all is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Oh, did I mention Chuy is also having another episode with his back and needs to be on crate rest? The good news is that he can’t go up and down the stairs anyways thanks to all the mess, so there’s the silver lining in that.
I have neighbors that lost it all. Some of them had to move out of their homes. We still have our home and we have an upstairs that is livable, running water, and a kitchen that works but is just missing floors and cabinets. Trust me, I pray and thank God every day that we are all OK and that things were not any worse than this. I’m beyond grateful that I have a healthy baby to bring home to this chaos.
That said, the situation still sucks and I’m allowed to complain a little bit, damn it!!! I thought this last month of pregnancy would be so relaxing and all about the “nesting.” We would finish hanging the final pictures in the nursery, wash her clothes, clean the bottles, and eagerly await her arrival.
We are STILL doing that but with a little bit of chaos thrown into the mix.
I think if this happened 6 years ago, I would have lost it. These past 6 years have taught me so much about letting go of control and that the only thing I CAN control is my response to what life is handing me. I used to act like such a victim of my circumstances. Ugh. I shutter just thinking about that Aimee. #HotMess
The truth is that NONE of us have any control over what Mother Nature chooses to do. She is the real boss bitch and it’s a humbling reminder that we aren’t sh&t compared to her. She does what she wants, when she wants. I can respect that.
Motherhood and pregnancy is similar. Sure, there are things you can do to try and prevent chaos but your body and sometimes your children do what they want. I can take good care of myself, eat right, elevate my legs, and drink gallons of water . . . but if my body wants to swell up like a balloon, NONE of that is going to stop it. The pregnancy is in control of my body. I’m just a vessel.
I try to look at everything as a learning lesson. These past few weeks have taught me that I’m not really in control even though my Type A Leo personality thinks that I am. Sometimes, you have to surrender the control and just say, “it is what it mother effin is.”
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