I’m typing this post from my bed, the place I’ve been for the past two days. Well, I take that back. I’ve also been spending most of my time on the couch. Me, the girl that rarely gets sick got knocked down and beat up by the flu. It came out of nowhere on Monday. My head was pounding but I figured it was one of my annoying migraines. Then the chest pain set in, then the coughing, then the gagging, then the absolute exhaustion. I mean the exhaustion where you can’t even be bothered to check your phone or change the channel. The type of exhaustion where work is the last thing you care about.
You know it’s bad when you work from home and still call out of work, two days in a row. I mean it’s not like I was going to get anyone else sick but it’s not like I was going to accomplish any meaningful work either.
On Tuesday, I contemplated going to the doctor but figured it was pointless since they can’t really DO anything for the flu but send you an expensive bill thanks to your high deductible health insurance plan. Today I woke up feeling 100 times worse and was like that’s it, I’m going to urgent care. It takes A LOT for me to drag my ass to the doctor for any reason. Long story short, I ended up with an IV in my arm because I was dehydrated and my pulse was super elevated.
When you are someone that has a binge eating disorder and aren’t at your “goal” weight, one of the reasons you actually stop and think about going to a doctor is because of your weight. I didn’t weigh in last week and today would have been my normal weigh in day. For some reason, I just can’t seem to get it together lately and stay on track, consistently. As I’ve mentioned 100000 times on here, I start avoiding the scale and that’s the biggest mistake ever! I had a feeling that my weight would be up and it’s the only reason I hesitated from going to the doctor.
Well, I had reason to be concerned about weighing in. My weight was 219 lbs at the doctor’s office.
Yes, really. That’s about 4 lbs UP from my last weigh in.
Most people LOSE weight when they get the flu . . . not me! Of course, I would gain weight! The one symptom I don’t have with this God awful flu is a loss of appetite. NOPE!!! My fat ass still craves all kinds of disgusting food that I clearly don’t need. I spent today eating a #1 from Chick Fil A, 3 (THREE!!!) slices of pizza, oatmeal, and toast.
If I’m going to be this sick, WHY can’t I at least lose my ridiculous appetite? I hate being sick. It makes me feel out of control. It makes me feel weak, both physically and mentally. I hate laziness. I hate sitting around, doing nothing. I hate it!!
These are the REAL struggles of binge eating disorder and a weight loss journey. I’m angry but I’m too darn weak to even care right now. I’m drinking a ton of REAL orange juice and I’m not tracking it. It’s making me feel better so who cares?
Today was just another validation that I can’t ever stop tracking, measuring, and paying attention. My weight is up and it’ll continue to go up if I don’t make it a priority every single day.
Thanks for letting me vent. Back to sleep I go . . .