I had a huge revelation in the past week. Literally, I stopped in my tracks just thinking about it.
I suppose I started thinking about this after watching Oprah’s Lifeclass on taking responsibility for your life. OMG, I love this show! Check out this video clip:
All the years of my life started to flash backwards. Like, my mind was flipping through a photo album of my life.
I had a HUGE realization.
All my life, I have equated my weight to my happiness.
What does that mean?
I could and still can literally remember the years by how much I weighed at the time . . . Or, how I felt about my body.
Every single picture I look at, I can remember the self-talk about my weight that was going on in my head.
Over the past year, so many great things have happened in my life but yet I still always feel like there’s a gaping hole. Then, I thought about it, I’ve gained back so much of the weight I fought so hard to lose.
So, I hold on to that anger, resentment, misery, and deny myself 100% happiness. It’s like I don’t think I deserve full happiness if I’m not at a “good” weight or feeling ok about my body image.
I’ve never been thin, but the times when I’ve lost the most weight, I feel invincible, irresistible, and on top of the world.
I know that this type of thinking is unhealthy. I recognize that. I want to change it. I want to take responsibility of my happiness.
Maybe all these years I’ve been waiting to be “rescued.” Whether it’s by Weight Watchers, a new weight loss drug, working out, or finding a weight loss/gym partner. I think, “well, if I can just find/do/start , then I’ll lose all the weight and finally be happy!”
As Oprah says, “You are responsible for YOUR Life.”
Well, I can keep on going to Weight Watchers and keep on attending Kickboxing classes . . . BUT, none of that is going to change this twisted way of thinking.
Nobody is going to rescue me except for myself.
I am finally ready to fix my mind and how I view weight/body image. I no longer want to lose weight for the next big event. I want to change the habits and thoughts that have been ingrained into my brain for 30 years.
Like they say, the first step is admitting and it felt like a tremendous accomplishment just realizing this about myself. So, I made an appointment to see a professional to fix my emotional eating and thinking. I’m excited, nervous, but ready to begin this challenge. I’ve been avoiding this for years but I know the time is finally right.
“If you want to move forward in life, you have to make it happen for yourself.”
~Oprah~
I love your perspective and you are right on about this. Wanting to change your weight doesn’t have to be negative. But it takes some skills to focus on the positive. When you wake up tomorrow, you can’t be a smaller size than today, but you can LOVE yourself more than you did today. : )
Holy WOW-
I love your voice. What a moving writer. Keep it coming. Looking forward to following more.
xx-
http://www.samplesize16.com/
Thanks for stopping by my blog on my SITS day Mimi. Your blog is irresistably cute. Don’t you just love Oprah’s lifeclass!
Good for you Mimi! YOu should be proud of yourself – this is a hard realization to make and one that takes a lot of time and effort to get to. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote because I too have struggled with my weight/body image my whole life, but came to a similar realization a few years ago and have been on a good path ever since. Amazing what a mindset change can accomplish!
Found you through SITS 🙂
@Kristina – Thanks for the comment! Yes, it’s ALL about loving yourself! That is the key to it all.
@Sabrina – Aww, thanks love! That means the world to me! Thanks for reading my posts!
@Mrs. H – Congrats again on your SITS Day! I LOVE Lifeclass! I watch it every single night! haha.
@Snuggly Monkey mama – Thanks for the sincere comment. What did you find has worked for you over the years?
Yes! Great post. Don’t ever let that number hold you back from anything, especially happiness. It’s entirely up to you whether or not to give it that power.
Good for you!
Erin