I use to suffer from anxiety/panic attacks so bad that I eventually was too terrified to leave my house. This was years ago, shortly after I graduated from high school. I didn’t know what was going on at the time . . . I just thought I was dying. That’s also the same time in my life where I gained almost 100 pounds in a few months. I was miserable!
I NEVER want to relive that time in my life again . . .or ever feel that way.
I still wrangle with anxiety from time to time. Sometimes it’s for “no” reason at all . . . just comes out of nowhere. It happened yesterday while we were riding bikes at the beach. See what I mean? This is something I love to do and it was a perfectly gorgeous day. I already felt “off” before I left the house but then it just got worse once out in public . . .it’s as if all the noise and people over stimulate my brain and it’s all too much to take in at one time.
Once we got back to our starting point by the docks, I sat there for a minute looking out at the water and I started to feel better immediately. There’s something about the water that puts my mind at ease. It’s really my happy place. I guess that’s why learning how to kayak this summer has given so much peace!
I have to stress that these are nowhere near the severity of the attacks I used to get . . . but they still like to creep into my life. The difference between allowing anxiety to control you versus pushing through it is all in how you handle it.
I pushed through it yesterday. I know that being out and about living life is the best cure. Don’t get me wrong, I still know my limits. I know when I need to leave the situation and go home. The difference is I don’t run away or avoid things. I refuse to let anxiety control me as it once did.
Now it’s Monday and I’m here in my office trying to push through the work day. I’m still fighting off the shaky hands and overall uneasiness that is anxiety. I’m so grateful to work from home because I can still function without the added stress and over stimulation of an office environment. Anxiety sucks because it’s “invisible” to everyone else so it’s a tough thing to deal with especially when it comes to work.
I mean what do you tell your job, “Hey I’m having some intense anxiety today. I can’t get that project done.” We’re taught that anxiety/stress/mental disorders make you weak and you just need to suck it up and deal with it. I’ve always said that jobs should have designated mental health days.
It’s sad that anxiety and mental disorders are not respected in the workplace or taken seriously. They are NOT a sign of weakness! I know the stigma is changing but it’s still going to take time. We have to keep talking about this stuff. Without talking about it, it remains a secret that slowly kills us.
What’s the point of this post anyways?
I guess I want to say that it’s ok if you’re feeling anxious. You’re not alone. I totally understand and I get it. It happens. You’re human. Accept it and then create a plan of attack. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s actually quite the opposite! Give yourself some grace. Today might not be as productive as you’d like and that’s perfectly ok! It’s going to be ok. It will always be ok. It will ALL be ok.
You got this far, right? Don’t let the anxiety control you.Take a deep breath, close your eyes, count to ten, and exhale. It WILL get better. You got this! You ARE irresistible!
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”
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