The more time I’ve had to ponder this whole gallbladder issue, the more angry I get.
I do a lot of research. A lot.
Because of the quirky nature of my personality, I always have to know WHY when it comes to anything.
So of course I’m thinking WHY at 31 years old do I need my gallbladder removed. I thought this only happen to people that are in their 50’s or 60’s.
I’ve spent my entire life yo-yo dieting. My ENTIRE life. I can remember starting my first real diet at 12 years old! It hasn’t stopped until recently.
I’m at a point where FINALLY I enjoy eating salads for lunch every day. Exercise is becoming a habit just like brushing my teeth. I don’t finish everything on my plate and I feel ok about that. I can eat a burger without the fries and be perfectly ok and not feel like I’m being deprived! I know my emotional triggers behind my overeating and I know how to STOP IT.
These might seem like simple things to some, but when you’ve battled with your weight and emotional eating for a lifetime, they are HUGE accomplishments.
Even at my highest weight, I never had high blood pressure, high sugar, or high cholesterol. I’ve always been healthy. No surgeries, no hospitalizations, no major issues.
Nobody ever warned me that developing gallstones is something I should be aware of. Nobody ever told me that yo-yo dieting could lead to this later in life.
I’m pissed off because when these doctors see me, they only see someone that needs to lose weight. They don’t know shit about what I’ve been through and what this has done to me mentally . . . or even physically, other than the fact that I need my gallbladder out. They sure as hell don’t know that I’ve just lost 30 lbs.
This whole situation pisses me off because there’s no reversing the damage. The binging on icing that I did in private is now public for everyone and everyone can judge me for it, without my consent.
The battles of losing weight and gaining weight are out in the open. Literally. The scars I gave myself from gaining almost 100 lbs in less than a year are there for every single person to view. Scars that I can barely stand to look at.
All these doctors just assume that I still eat donuts and fried cheese fries every single night.
Well guess what?
You don’t know shit about me! Don’t you dare judge me.
I know that technically we don’t really know the cause of my gallstones. My surgeon says it can be from years of taking birth control pills. Wow, thanks for the warning.
But, I can’t help but point it directly to being a lifetime binge eating yo-yo dieter. I’ve done a number on my gallbladder and this whole time I never even realized it. Never even considered it.
At my heaviest and at my smallest…to date.
It doesn’t matter to anyone now that I’ve stopped dieting (and I’m losing weight still) and have finally just started living the healthy lifestyle that yo-yo dieting could never achieve. And that I ran my first 5K last year when I used to get punished in PE class for not running fast enough. Yes, I still splurge once in awhile. I’m fucking human!
Still all the good changes I’ve made over the past year don’t mean shit to a stranger. They don’t get to see that struggle. They just see someone that still needs to lose another 50 lbs. They just assume and judge.
Most of all I’m pissed off because my lifetime of bad habits has finally caught up to me, even though I’m the healthiest (mentally and physically) that I’ve ever been so far.
Thanks Murphy’s Law. Thanks a lot.
“Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.”