Sabotaging ONEderland

January has been a CRAZY month! Crazy in a good way though! I feel like I’ve spent the past few weeks catching up after our Southwest Adventure followed by a business trip to Philly and more birthdays than I can count! I finally feel like I can breath a little bit. Maybe that’s just because my pants are looser? hehe

I went last week for my monthly weigh in and guess what????

I lost 7 lbs AND 2 inches this past month! That was an amazing accomplishment for me because:

1. It was over the holidays (enough said lol)

2. I was on vacation for a week, eating what ever I wanted. Mmmm, homemade tortillas. BUT, it was an active vacation.

3. I went on a 3 day business trip which threw my entire routine off balance.

And the biggest news of all is that I’m back to ONEDERLAND!!!!! O M G!!!!!!!

That’s right. No more 200 lbs+. Good freakin’ riddance.

I can’t even tell you how great I feel right now.  After gaining back all the weight I lost for my wedding, this is the lowest I’ve weighed since then. I’m not “back” where I was pre-wedding but I’m so close.

This is me on Saturday, 1/26/13.

Even though I see the scale going down, my waist getting smaller, and I can see the difference in my pics, I found myself slipping over the past week eating crap I don’t even like (such as McDonalds…eww vomit beehhh). When I thought about it, it was right after hearing the GOOD news of my progress. Why the hell would I do that to myself?

WHY?????????????

Every time I get to this point (the 190’s), I have subconsciously sabotaged myself. I mean I have done this for years…teetered tottered back in forth over the 200 lb mark. Ugh. I have no idea why. BUT my therapist and I are going to do some work around that.

I swear that I will never ever ever see that 200 lb mark again. I hate it. I despise it.

I know that I can make that promise to myself because this time around I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. I’ve been on that “dark side” way too many times to want to go back into that vicious cycle of binging, gaining weight, getting depressed, gaining more weight, and feeling like shit. NO thank you! I’m done.

Until next time dolls…