A very dear friend of mine asked me to go shopping with her because she needed my irresistible fashion advice. I was honored and needless to say we ended up having a fabulous time! Just like getting dressed, we decided to start with some lingerie and work outwards.
So, we started at (shreeek) Victoria’s Secret. Personally, I hate this store for many reasons. However, my darling friend is a tiny little skinny minny and can fit right into those cutesy bras and panties.
Shopping at Vickie’s reconfirmed why I have stayed away. In fact, it sparked all the reasons that I would like Victoria’s Secret to Kiss my (FAT) Ass!
1. One Size Fits All Thongs
You got to be effing kidding me, right? How the hell can this thong fit every ass in America?
|That’s right. One Size Fits All. Or so Victoria says.|
I pretty much couldn’t stop laughing when I saw this ridiculousness. I know many a fat ass that would be in mucho pain if they even tried to wear this. There can be one size fits all scarves but THONGS? Get da’ hell outta here!
|Yes. You read that right.|
2. Delusional Bra Sizes
Where do they come up with these sizes? First of all, they stop at a 40 DD in the stores. To top it off, the DD is NOT a true DD. I should know. I wear anywhere from a 38 DD to DDD and this is bullshit!!! Plus, if a woman is wearing a DD, they better have support. Know what I mean? These pieces of shit don’t.
3. Prices so High, I have to sell a Kidney
They do have some cute little lingerie pieces. I mean who can resist a glittery naughty apron?
I can! When I saw the price tag! $68!!! No thank you. I would much rather put that towards some quality fabric that is going to cover my (fat) ass AND allow me to wear it in public. I’m all about being irresistible but on a budget! Geezus.
4. Padded Bras: Guaranteed to Add 2 Cup Sizes!
How old are we ladies? As a member of the big boobie club, I’m simply insulted by padded bras. Enough said. If you have big ones, you can relate.
5. The ‘effing PINK Pajamas
They are cute. I like them. But, do you really expect me to spend $60 on a pair of sweat pants that say PINK across my already huge ass? No. I don’t think so. Nice try Victoria.
|Oh Fergie. That’s not a good look.|
6. Victoria, You are a Big Titty Hater
If you read my blog, you’ve heard me say this a million times. When the hell are these stores going to offer sizes for EVERYONE? I’m sick and fucking tired of walking into stores and feeling as though I don’t belong there. VICTORIA, you are the one losing business because I have to shop in a high-end bra boutique that caters to my large tits. I shell out about $80 per bra. Think about it you smart little tittied business woman you.
7. Say it One More Time: ONE SIZE FITS ALL THONGS
|I had to take a pic up close so you could actually see this BS!|
Have you had a similar experience in one of these types of stores? Did you like this post? Well share it and add me on facebook, twitter, and/or subscribe via email! Love you doll faces!
I love to wear lingerie. The problem is that men always rip it off too quickly. When women are dolled up in lingerie they feel sexy. So let us wear it for five minutes.~Karen McDougal ~